They were standing on the beach. It was late, and they were the only ones there, but she had insisted on coming. All she wanted was to say goodbye properly.
They had bought burgers and can drinks, and they sat on a beach bench, back to back, eating in silence. “ This burger’s freakin’ awesome isn’t it??”, he exclaimed, “mm..” she mumbled. Truth was, nothing could possibly taste good at this moment.
She finished her burger and ran towards the sea, hoping that the sound of the waves could wash away this awkwardness between them. He joined her. “Wanna play a game?” she asked, “Let’s see who can make a footprint furthest into the sea before the waves wash it away.” And for the next ten minutes or so, they were themselves again. Being silly, holding each other as they collapsed in giggle fits, shouting & yelling each other’s name. Being the child that they still were inside. Being the person that the other fell in love with.
He called her a name; he loves getting on her nerves and she doesn’t know why. She punched him playfully on his arm and he tried to run away. Of course, she went after him. Two full-grown teenagers, chasing each other around the beach in circles. Two full-grown teenagers, who were in love, but just not enough.
Two full-grown teenagers, who were really, just children. And who really, should have just been friends all along.
But that night on the beach was the last time they spent alone with each other.
Now she misses him.
She misses the fun.
But she’s okay.
Showing posts with label ♥ the way she remembers it. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ♥ the way she remembers it. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
be it tender, be it you
there are some people, whom you can gaze directly in the very pupil of the eye, and see nothing but the vague outline of your reflection.
there are a few people however, whom you can exchange eye contact with for a millisecond, and see everything. there are people you can have had lost touch for months for, but somehow, you still know about every single thing that's happened in each other's life, somehow, you still care enough about each other to find out through other people. there are people whom you can start talking to again after a long break, but the conversation flows so easily, so comfortably, that it feels like you've never left each others life.you can pick it up from any time, any where. there are people that you can stop loving, but really, you never have. the love is still there, just different - maybe more of a gentle admiration. No longer a desire to possess, but rather a pleasure to appreciate and share. It is possible to have someone where every moment with the other's presence just feels so right, where the other person always says the right thing, where each other's sense of humour is bone-deeply understood, where each gesture is so familiar. where you see traits of your personality reflected in this other person, and vice versa. where there doesnt need to be any form of physical contact nor daily conversations, but there is a connection and understanding so deep, that it is no longer about friendship, neither is it love in the relationship sense.
what should i call it?
we're not soulmates. maybe we're soul-bonds.
a bond that's interfered by other priorities, by reason, and by life itself. but so what?
you're right. we were not meant to be anything more than this bond.
But you'll always be a tender reminder, of what it should be like, what it should feel like.
You'll always be the one i'll need to talk to in the end, cos no matter what you say, you make it right.
You've set the standard so high, and i'm proud (:
So you go on standing where you are, and i'll stand where i am. I like this safe distance between us.
If anything, it makes the bond even more substantial.
lets make a little magic together; lets make it pretty, lets make it BIG. Lets make it something the whole world can smile about
there are a few people however, whom you can exchange eye contact with for a millisecond, and see everything. there are people you can have had lost touch for months for, but somehow, you still know about every single thing that's happened in each other's life, somehow, you still care enough about each other to find out through other people. there are people whom you can start talking to again after a long break, but the conversation flows so easily, so comfortably, that it feels like you've never left each others life.you can pick it up from any time, any where. there are people that you can stop loving, but really, you never have. the love is still there, just different - maybe more of a gentle admiration. No longer a desire to possess, but rather a pleasure to appreciate and share. It is possible to have someone where every moment with the other's presence just feels so right, where the other person always says the right thing, where each other's sense of humour is bone-deeply understood, where each gesture is so familiar. where you see traits of your personality reflected in this other person, and vice versa. where there doesnt need to be any form of physical contact nor daily conversations, but there is a connection and understanding so deep, that it is no longer about friendship, neither is it love in the relationship sense.
what should i call it?
we're not soulmates. maybe we're soul-bonds.
a bond that's interfered by other priorities, by reason, and by life itself. but so what?
you're right. we were not meant to be anything more than this bond.
But you'll always be a tender reminder, of what it should be like, what it should feel like.
You'll always be the one i'll need to talk to in the end, cos no matter what you say, you make it right.
You've set the standard so high, and i'm proud (:
So you go on standing where you are, and i'll stand where i am. I like this safe distance between us.
If anything, it makes the bond even more substantial.
lets make a little magic together; lets make it pretty, lets make it BIG. Lets make it something the whole world can smile about
Monday, March 23, 2009
the way she remembers it, part III
They were walking down the road that they've been on so many times before.
She chose to walk behind him again, trailing his footsteps; once again memorizing the curve of his back, the wideness of his shoulder, the peculiar way he positions his hands when he walks.
He reaches for her hand without turning around,
"Baby, come on. Why are you walking behind me again? Come walk beside me."
She smiles sweetly and takes his hand. Hands half a size bigger, and warmer, than her own.
She does not tell him that she likes walking behind people because it is where she can see everyone, but nobody can see her. She does not tell him that when you can see everything that's happening, you'll feel like you're in control. She does not let him know that she enjoys being at the back because everytime He reaches out his hand behind himself for her, a smile as bright as the sun breaks on her face.
She didn't think she needed to tell him. She thought he knew.
They were heading to the shop around the corner to buy phone credit for Her. They were already halfway there when he insisted that they will be late for class if they did not head back now. She argued saying that they were already almost there, and if they hurried, she was sure they won't be late. He disagreed, and said "how about you go ahead and get the credit, and i'll head back to school first?". She puckered up her lips and muttered, ''okay...whatever''.
She turned around, ready to walk away. She was certain that he was just kidding, he wouldn't just leave her like that. She knew that when she turned around, he would still be standing there, with a cheesy smile on his face.
So she turned,
to see him walking up the hill.
In that instance, that familiar curve of his back, wideness of his shoulders, position of his hands, suddenly became so foreign to her. She felt a coldness growing from her core; a hopelessness and loneliness that she had never felt in her life. Every step he took sucked away from her a little bit more of herself.
She never needed anyone to be herself.
But now without warning, such a person existed: A person she needed.
She was hit with the harsh realization that this is the pain she will feel, only a million times multiplied, when he leaves her forever one day.
She knew that on that day, it will be Him who walks away.
carrying with him the happy soul he had once created in her.
She chose to walk behind him again, trailing his footsteps; once again memorizing the curve of his back, the wideness of his shoulder, the peculiar way he positions his hands when he walks.
He reaches for her hand without turning around,
"Baby, come on. Why are you walking behind me again? Come walk beside me."
She smiles sweetly and takes his hand. Hands half a size bigger, and warmer, than her own.
She does not tell him that she likes walking behind people because it is where she can see everyone, but nobody can see her. She does not tell him that when you can see everything that's happening, you'll feel like you're in control. She does not let him know that she enjoys being at the back because everytime He reaches out his hand behind himself for her, a smile as bright as the sun breaks on her face.
She didn't think she needed to tell him. She thought he knew.
They were heading to the shop around the corner to buy phone credit for Her. They were already halfway there when he insisted that they will be late for class if they did not head back now. She argued saying that they were already almost there, and if they hurried, she was sure they won't be late. He disagreed, and said "how about you go ahead and get the credit, and i'll head back to school first?". She puckered up her lips and muttered, ''okay...whatever''.
She turned around, ready to walk away. She was certain that he was just kidding, he wouldn't just leave her like that. She knew that when she turned around, he would still be standing there, with a cheesy smile on his face.
So she turned,
to see him walking up the hill.
In that instance, that familiar curve of his back, wideness of his shoulders, position of his hands, suddenly became so foreign to her. She felt a coldness growing from her core; a hopelessness and loneliness that she had never felt in her life. Every step he took sucked away from her a little bit more of herself.
She never needed anyone to be herself.
But now without warning, such a person existed: A person she needed.
She was hit with the harsh realization that this is the pain she will feel, only a million times multiplied, when he leaves her forever one day.
She knew that on that day, it will be Him who walks away.
carrying with him the happy soul he had once created in her.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
the way she remembers it, part II
they've only just sat down and she knew the question was coming.
"wait..what are we watching again?"
he asked absent-mindedly.
She laughed and tapped his nose, ''Mammamia, my little retard. haha...are you really that stupid or are you just pretending?"
He looked at her ever so seriously with those brown eyes if his,
"i only wanna make you laugh, baby.''
When Mammamia the song came up, she dragged him out of his seat and they danced and sang like idiots on the stairs. Half the cinema stared at them incredulously; Midori and Michael pretended they didn't know them. But they didn't care. It was only Him and Her now - it was their cinema, their world.
They took photos of themselves in their grey hoodies. The cleaner walked in and gave them a look. They burst out in giggles as soon as he turned his back.
They stayed in their seats after that. Singing along to every Abba song that they knew. Muttering to parts that they didn't know the lyrics of.
At the end of the show, Midori commented that this was a very good movie. She agreed.
She remembers having sat in the cinema till the end of the show but not knowing to the least bit what the whole movie was about.
But in these two hours, She learned the rhythm of his heartbeat.
She learned that he really can sing if he tried.
She looked at him when he was dancing, with that retarded expression on his face, and a sudden sadness took over her as she realized that it'd take her a very very long time, to find another guy who could make her feel like this.
"wait..what are we watching again?"
he asked absent-mindedly.
She laughed and tapped his nose, ''Mammamia, my little retard. haha...are you really that stupid or are you just pretending?"
He looked at her ever so seriously with those brown eyes if his,
"i only wanna make you laugh, baby.''
When Mammamia the song came up, she dragged him out of his seat and they danced and sang like idiots on the stairs. Half the cinema stared at them incredulously; Midori and Michael pretended they didn't know them. But they didn't care. It was only Him and Her now - it was their cinema, their world.
They took photos of themselves in their grey hoodies. The cleaner walked in and gave them a look. They burst out in giggles as soon as he turned his back.
They stayed in their seats after that. Singing along to every Abba song that they knew. Muttering to parts that they didn't know the lyrics of.
At the end of the show, Midori commented that this was a very good movie. She agreed.
She remembers having sat in the cinema till the end of the show but not knowing to the least bit what the whole movie was about.
But in these two hours, She learned the rhythm of his heartbeat.
She learned that he really can sing if he tried.
She looked at him when he was dancing, with that retarded expression on his face, and a sudden sadness took over her as she realized that it'd take her a very very long time, to find another guy who could make her feel like this.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
the way she remembers it
She felt his lips brush lightly on her cheek. She turned to face him and playfully asked, ''what?".
His smile held all the answers.
he gently kissed her eyes, the tip of her nose, her forehead, her lips, her cheeks, then her eyes again.
She slowly opened them, a smile forming on her lips.
a smile sealed by his kiss.
he cradled her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.
"mm...i can't seem to get enough of you...", he whispered.
she edged closer to him, a closeness that she thought was inseparable, and burried her head in his chest;
drowned in the familiar scent of him.
they say that death comes when time stops for you.
she can't count the number of times he had made her die like this.
His smile held all the answers.
he gently kissed her eyes, the tip of her nose, her forehead, her lips, her cheeks, then her eyes again.
She slowly opened them, a smile forming on her lips.
a smile sealed by his kiss.
he cradled her face in his hands and looked into her eyes.
"mm...i can't seem to get enough of you...", he whispered.
she edged closer to him, a closeness that she thought was inseparable, and burried her head in his chest;
drowned in the familiar scent of him.
they say that death comes when time stops for you.
she can't count the number of times he had made her die like this.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
love meme from pinkpau's blog
okay i know he's no longer my bf. & i know many of you will think, "omg apple, why are u doing this to yourself? you're just hurting yourself again!!". but i really really want to do this. because after all, the times i spent with him were one of the greatest times of my life. & i wanna answer this now...before i start to forget. cos i know i will forget one day..
The ivan that i loved, i still love, & will always love. The ivan i see today, is not the ivan i loved. But the ivan i love, will always still be in me, taking up every single corner and gap in my heart. Until time decides to slowly remove him, bit by bit, from my heart.
tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her:
the first time i really got to know him was at gurney plaza main entrance. He was standing there in his black t shirt, jeans, and converse. He had one hand in his pocket. & when we said our first ''hello'' to each other, he was kinda shy, and we awkwardly shook hands. I thought he looked like the....surfer kinda guy. maybe cos of his ear rings and his dyed hair. I didnt really think much of him, until i heard him talk about himself at Chillis during lunch. the way he spoke - the deepness of his ideas. the eye contact.. the shy grins.. & since then, he got me. enchanted.
what’s a weird habit or quirk that s/he has?:
:P definitely his trademark high pitched screams :P
oh & he has a habit of wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
& he likes to swerve his head to the left, to get his fringe out of his face.
what makes him/her happy?:
almost everything:)
what makes him/her sad?:
Discovery channel documentary about people who died of cancer. made him cry.
Disney cartoons that have sad parts in em'
what makes him/her angry?:
parents making him do things he doesnt wanna do.
siblings being annoying.
injustice, unfairness.
what excites him/her?
many things :) like butterflies, girls in high heels, presents, baby shoes which light up, sisha, football tournaments..etc.
tell us something funny about him/her:
everything. :)
oh, he NEVER remembers what movie he is watching when he enters the cinema.
he walks into trees. and lamposts.
he thinks jamaica is in africa.
he sucks at editing videos :P
he scored 0 in an intelligence quiz :P AND then he goes around telling everyone..
he believes he has superpowers cos he can "sense it when the tv is switched on''....
what’s s/he like at home?:
equally retarded.
and topless.
what’s s/he like at work/school?:
sociable, overly-friendly, stupid, quiet in class, good at tok, good at PE, almost late to school everyday, CAS freak
describe his/her room:
um...i cant really remember. i think it had an orange wall. & a window where u can see the pool downstairs. a queen size bed. a wardrobe. a mirror, a laptop. no posters on the wall.
what’s his/her best friend like?:
adam: difficult to read, sociable, funny.
douglas: easy to read, friendlyl comfortable to be with.
wouter: wouter.
do you know who s/he hates the most?:
that tiny black rapper guy. i forgot his name.
have you met his/her exes?:
on msn yes:)
do his/her parents like you?:
um...i dont think so... :P
what’s the first thing s/he would do or say if s/he fell down and scraped their knee:
*scream in high pitched scream*, then, "FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!"
what would s/he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?:
either run around like a kid and scream. or be really mature & try to get involved & help.
it really depends :S
which shop would s/he spend the most time at in a shopping mall?:
hmm. he'll make sure he goes to every shop available. :P
what would s/he have for a typical breakfast?:
milo flakes? :P
where would s/he want to go for dinner?:
somewhere not too formal. maybe ramee burger. or that indian place where they have sisha. :P
what kind of movie would s/he choose at the cinema?:
either horror or cartoon stuff.
describe his/her taste in music:
wide range. i like his taste :)
if s/he wasnt going out with you, who would s/he be going out with?:
hmmmm..... either Her, or her... or her.. hmm.
what item in his/her wardrobe would you like to burn:
did not have the chance to look into his wardrobe.
what is s/he good at?:
being charming, being stupid, making me laugh a lot, kissing, looking handsome, looking hot, making new friends, running, football, tok, swimming, basketball, playing the guitar, playing the piano, writing songs, being initiative, talking in front of a crowd, dealing with little kids:), crying in touching movies, taking too many photos, saying sweet things, making people like him, getting over relationships.
what is s/he totally horrible at?:
mending the hole he has made in my heart.
what’s something that you two fundamentally disagree on?:
our relationship.
what’s something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?:
almost everything else..:)
is s/he possessive?:
sometimes. but he gives in easily.
why would s/he succeed in life?:
charm. social skills. when he develops an interest, he is determined to do it well.
what is the coolest gift that s/he has ever given you?:
himself.
what is s/he obsessed with?:
facebook. taking photos. meeting new friends. CAS. Warcraft. Runescape. and many other things he tries to hide from me :P
what does s/he avoid at all costs?:
hm.
what does s/he spend the most money on?:
random things that he does NOT need. e.g. a scarf (in malaysia?!), a magic ball that is not magical at all, a wig that costs RM50. etc.
describe his/her typical sunday:
no-lifing on the PC for the whole day. then dinner with family at night. then rush through last minute homework.
why would s/he be dangerous?:
he is capable of making a very happy person who thought the world was beautiful, become a very depressed person who's heart is still in pieces, by simply saying "im sorry, i cant."
tell us about a time s/he looked absolutely gorgeous:
:) on our first date. when i saw him sitting there waiting for me. he looked absolutely gorgeous and hot in his just-showered look. his brown eyes. & he smiled. oh that smile....... how can i ever, ever forget.. :):)
what’s something about him/her that would surprise all of his/her friends?:
if one day he became very mature and serious, and gave up facebook and computer games. IF.
what do you love most about him/her?:
everything. even his flaws.
but most of all, i think i fell for his BIG HEART. :)
the biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your partner:
to love a person is to be able to accept all his flaws, to be hurt so many times by him, to desire and not get, to know that he doesnt love you back. and yet, you still unfalteringly,
Love him.
The ivan that i loved, i still love, & will always love. The ivan i see today, is not the ivan i loved. But the ivan i love, will always still be in me, taking up every single corner and gap in my heart. Until time decides to slowly remove him, bit by bit, from my heart.
tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her:
the first time i really got to know him was at gurney plaza main entrance. He was standing there in his black t shirt, jeans, and converse. He had one hand in his pocket. & when we said our first ''hello'' to each other, he was kinda shy, and we awkwardly shook hands. I thought he looked like the....surfer kinda guy. maybe cos of his ear rings and his dyed hair. I didnt really think much of him, until i heard him talk about himself at Chillis during lunch. the way he spoke - the deepness of his ideas. the eye contact.. the shy grins.. & since then, he got me. enchanted.
what’s a weird habit or quirk that s/he has?:
:P definitely his trademark high pitched screams :P
oh & he has a habit of wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
& he likes to swerve his head to the left, to get his fringe out of his face.
what makes him/her happy?:
almost everything:)
what makes him/her sad?:
Discovery channel documentary about people who died of cancer. made him cry.
Disney cartoons that have sad parts in em'
what makes him/her angry?:
parents making him do things he doesnt wanna do.
siblings being annoying.
injustice, unfairness.
what excites him/her?
many things :) like butterflies, girls in high heels, presents, baby shoes which light up, sisha, football tournaments..etc.
tell us something funny about him/her:
everything. :)
oh, he NEVER remembers what movie he is watching when he enters the cinema.
he walks into trees. and lamposts.
he thinks jamaica is in africa.
he sucks at editing videos :P
he scored 0 in an intelligence quiz :P AND then he goes around telling everyone..
he believes he has superpowers cos he can "sense it when the tv is switched on''....
what’s s/he like at home?:
equally retarded.
and topless.
what’s s/he like at work/school?:
sociable, overly-friendly, stupid, quiet in class, good at tok, good at PE, almost late to school everyday, CAS freak
describe his/her room:
um...i cant really remember. i think it had an orange wall. & a window where u can see the pool downstairs. a queen size bed. a wardrobe. a mirror, a laptop. no posters on the wall.
what’s his/her best friend like?:
adam: difficult to read, sociable, funny.
douglas: easy to read, friendlyl comfortable to be with.
wouter: wouter.
do you know who s/he hates the most?:
that tiny black rapper guy. i forgot his name.
have you met his/her exes?:
on msn yes:)
do his/her parents like you?:
um...i dont think so... :P
what’s the first thing s/he would do or say if s/he fell down and scraped their knee:
*scream in high pitched scream*, then, "FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!"
what would s/he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?:
either run around like a kid and scream. or be really mature & try to get involved & help.
it really depends :S
which shop would s/he spend the most time at in a shopping mall?:
hmm. he'll make sure he goes to every shop available. :P
what would s/he have for a typical breakfast?:
milo flakes? :P
where would s/he want to go for dinner?:
somewhere not too formal. maybe ramee burger. or that indian place where they have sisha. :P
what kind of movie would s/he choose at the cinema?:
either horror or cartoon stuff.
describe his/her taste in music:
wide range. i like his taste :)
if s/he wasnt going out with you, who would s/he be going out with?:
hmmmm..... either Her, or her... or her.. hmm.
what item in his/her wardrobe would you like to burn:
did not have the chance to look into his wardrobe.
what is s/he good at?:
being charming, being stupid, making me laugh a lot, kissing, looking handsome, looking hot, making new friends, running, football, tok, swimming, basketball, playing the guitar, playing the piano, writing songs, being initiative, talking in front of a crowd, dealing with little kids:), crying in touching movies, taking too many photos, saying sweet things, making people like him, getting over relationships.
what is s/he totally horrible at?:
mending the hole he has made in my heart.
what’s something that you two fundamentally disagree on?:
our relationship.
what’s something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?:
almost everything else..:)
is s/he possessive?:
sometimes. but he gives in easily.
why would s/he succeed in life?:
charm. social skills. when he develops an interest, he is determined to do it well.
what is the coolest gift that s/he has ever given you?:
himself.
what is s/he obsessed with?:
facebook. taking photos. meeting new friends. CAS. Warcraft. Runescape. and many other things he tries to hide from me :P
what does s/he avoid at all costs?:
hm.
what does s/he spend the most money on?:
random things that he does NOT need. e.g. a scarf (in malaysia?!), a magic ball that is not magical at all, a wig that costs RM50. etc.
describe his/her typical sunday:
no-lifing on the PC for the whole day. then dinner with family at night. then rush through last minute homework.
why would s/he be dangerous?:
he is capable of making a very happy person who thought the world was beautiful, become a very depressed person who's heart is still in pieces, by simply saying "im sorry, i cant."
tell us about a time s/he looked absolutely gorgeous:
:) on our first date. when i saw him sitting there waiting for me. he looked absolutely gorgeous and hot in his just-showered look. his brown eyes. & he smiled. oh that smile....... how can i ever, ever forget.. :):)
what’s something about him/her that would surprise all of his/her friends?:
if one day he became very mature and serious, and gave up facebook and computer games. IF.
what do you love most about him/her?:
everything. even his flaws.
but most of all, i think i fell for his BIG HEART. :)
the biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your partner:
to love a person is to be able to accept all his flaws, to be hurt so many times by him, to desire and not get, to know that he doesnt love you back. and yet, you still unfalteringly,
Love him.
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