what i am

how do you define the best hours of your life?

The ones which come to my mind now are the ones spent giggling with my friends. the pillow fights,, oh yeah, being violently attacked by carol & shaen. should i mention being bounced on? :P The hours when we're all together, & someone says something absolutely ridiculous, then everyone else reacts by bursting out in tears-forming laughter,, the ones which cause our stomach muscles to hurt. & usually, always, there'll be one person who didn't catch the joke (usually bec :P ), & stare at us blankly, anxiously waving her hands, ''what??what?? whats soo funny??".. which then causes yet another outburst.

Or maybe it was the hours spent with Him. the crazy moments when i knew that no one could replace him,, seconds when i dared myself to believe in this thing called forever. the intimate minutes when i naively thought, this is the reason im alive. the rare moments that i grasped desperately onto, when i saw the serious side of him, & when i thought i could picture ourselves just like this, years from now. the dreams. each memory carved into my soul. Memories that are emphasized by the space formed between us.

how about the ones i spent looking into Wawa's eyes, telling her my deepest,darkest secrets, & expecting nothing back in return but just to see that darkest spot behind her big brown pupils, to know that she understands. She understands.
Or how about those afternoons spent being chased up and down the garden by Taku & Bobo? When I hold both of them so tightly against my body when I sleep at night,, afraid that letting go might mean that they'd leave forever, just like Wawa did.
Those innocent, pure, happy moments, when i believed that the world was made of cotton candies, big brown eyes and children's laughter.

And how could i forget the adrenaline rush, when i completed the cross country run,, when i reached the top of the hiking trail,, when i was driving the jetski. My mind being entirely blank. Having no indication as to where im heading. When I dont really care. The past? the future? I only see now. When my heart's beating so fast, so hard against my chest. When every breath i take matters. I can only see now.

Or maybe the best hours of my life were those spent reading late after midnight. Where the words of another have the ability to transport me into a different world. Where the drama & thoughts of another person takes over my own.
And of course, sitting opposite Midori, with a paintbrush in my hand, earphones drowning out the sounds of the world. When i could sit there for hours on end. Finally finding something i can concentrate for more than ten minutes on. The utter tranquility. The hours when nothing is on my mind, but the lines, the colours, the shades of my painting.

The hours when i was certain, that forever exists.