the truth is that every time i have to go through something difficult, like a test i'm not prepared for, or before i have to make a speech, i say to myself, "it's okay, think of him, think of how he would have done this. how easily he would have done this. And you can do the same. Take it easy, and smile through it", and then i'm reassured.
the thing is, there is no reason for me to think of you anymore. i do not wonder or hope whether you'll be back in the future, i only have you at the back of my mind, a place i go to for reassurace, a place i go to to remind myself of what feels seamlessly right. but of course it can't be perfect; of course it ends up not working out. if it did it would be a fairytale, not real life.
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