compromise.

suppose that was my own "compromise" to myself. knowing that you're there, and i'm here, and i don't know what you're thinking, don't know what you're doing. so i naturally assumed the worse. and i thought at least i should have some form of compromise. but now i know this isn't me. what i say does not always correspond to what's in my mind. it felt nice, but it didn't feel right. again, it didn't feel right. i know now, the me i'm comfortable being, is the me who would be still waiting. having fun, but abstaining from all other forms of attraction. one year, i kept my own promise, and i had to break it on your birthday. you asked me once, "wait, so if one of us was cheating on the other, the other would feel it? they would know?" .. i think so. yea, this is stupid, i know it doesn't matter to you anymore, and i'm being stupid, but it matters to me. cos if i don't get this right, nothing else will feel right. it's either i let go of you completely, or i hang on faithfully. right now the latter still feels right.

stupid-thing-to-do-when-you're-young (number one), check.
no regrets though.

happy 20th birthday, kaiser.

(isn't it strange how as i'm typing this, your mum calls, and my mum and her are currently talking on the phone? i find life's coincidences pretty amazing. )

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happy 19th birthday, genevieve :) !