happy almost-ending

is it possible that as you grow older your mind grows younger? because i feel like there's a lot of thoughts that i just shrug off my shoulders, or if something weighs heavily on my mind, i just sleep on it. though it's possible that it's the heat in penang that's doing this to me. i'm quite physically tired, and huffy, like today i rudely answered in a hustle, "i-duno." to mayuri when she asked me a bio question, instead of taking my time to answer patiently like i usually do. i made a mental-apology though, but couldn't be bothered to vocalize it.
on the other hand, i'm very mentally happy, and the best part is that i don't even have to remind myself to be this way, like i used to do. my mind is just at a permanent happy mode. it's like i have no time or energy left to be anything but this.

we went to dear old sunset bistro after school today. bec & nai ordered baileys, bindi took a while but finally decided on ice blended mocha, lidia had nothing, while i had my usual diet coke. did i tell you i love the feeling of being in a car full of girls and hump-to-the-beat music, and i love-hate the adrenaline from knowing that with naima's speed of driving, there is a high possibility we could crash and die any moment? and i love sitting around a table, and having the most random of girl-talks: about uni, summer flings, marriages, future, future, now. most of all, i love it when someone does something stupid (most likely to be bec or bindi) and everyone hyperventilates in fits of unstoppable laughter. and you know what i really like is that we are each so different from each other, and we know each other so well, and we've even said hateful things to each other, but in the end, its down to this happy almost-ending :) i'm so fortunate to have all this as part of my final memories in penang. simple is good. and i suddenly feel like saying, you know what the best part of not being in love is? i dont ever toss and turn in bed for hours anymore. i don't have to wait for phone calls or jump when a sms arrives. i dont have to wait for anything, wonder about anything, plan for anything. i feel so free and blissful. i feel like i have a lot of time, and i feel like i'm using it well. bec i understand why you don't like attachment now. this is absolutely wonderful.

i say my mind is growing younger because you know how kids can be joyfully indulged in one thing at one moment, and then a distraction comes along and the kid moves on to this new thing and forgets about the last one? and its just happy, happy, ooo butterfly!, happy. no deep philosophical crap. no i-wonder-if-i-look-pretty-today. no i-wish-i-had-something-better. just: i like this thing in front of me, it's making me very happy, and the rest of the world, please go away and come back later, while i'm focusing on this source of joy. i've been laughing a lot lately, thanks to the girls ;) and i haven't been worrying about anything - even awaiting the hong kong university replies is just an exciting feeling.
it's not that i don't think philosophical thoughts anymore - i still do. but only when i come across something that a friend has written on their blog or facebook. like just now i read this very meaningful post this guy wrote on facebook. he was talking life, appreciation, and love. you know, the sort of thing i usually talk about. and i nodded in recognition by the similiarity of thoughts him and i share. i felt the familiarity of the feelings he is feeling now. and i admired how well he could express himself. but that was all. i would have left a comment, but i was too tired to do so. and i also knew that someday, very soon, he will find his way. boys just take a teeeeny bit longer than girls to understand and mature, no? ;)
anyhow, i have not become an emotionlessly retarded creature who only knows about laughing and spending time with the girl friends. i still cry, i still reflect, i still remember.

oh btw, i tied a cherry-knot with my tongue! i'm officially a good kisser!! bet you were dying to know... ;)

and no, the chinese kid is not me.