all or nothing

why is it always only afterwards that i realize what i could have said, should have said, where i should have kept quiet instead of butting in, how i should have made myself sound more confident rather than sounding like the nervous wreck that i was. why can't i have thought of these things on the spot?! now there's nothing i can do but hope that they liked me more than the others, despite all the imperfections i have shown in that half an hour phone call.

there is so much i want to say, so many places and scenes that my imagination takes me, so many dreams that i wake up to in the morning - both pleasant and not so. but it's not necessary to share them anymore - some things mean the whole world to only me, but mean nothing but a story heard and forgotten, to others.
though everyone has something that means everything to them.