step

how everyone seems to have that little bit of sadness in them. some people just try harder than others to conceal it, but you can still tell. i wonder what it'd be like to meet someone who you can't trace a hint of sadness in. i wonder if when i do, that person will appear somewhat unreal. i met someone like that once. it was magical, i tell you. until i found out from someone else about his sadness. so i realized he was just really really good at keeping things to himself. i'm so curious, how does he do it? not a single word to anyone. not a single look of sorrow in his eyes, even when he doesn't know you're watching him. how does he keep everything inside? if i was him for one day, i think i'd cry a river for him. i'd just sit there, and cry for him.
i wonder if he cries alone, when no one's around, or maybe in his sleep.

you realize how small your problems are when you compare it to what someone else is going through. take say, i know last night as I was lying in bed under the comfort of my covers, a friend of mine was sitting in hospital, where every minute kills him a little, as he waited for his dad's major, life-or-death surgery to be over. how does that compare with the insignificant "problems" we're going through?


remind yourself, apple. you're not trying hard enough.

i think 2009 was a good year. i think every single day was a good day, even on days that bad things happen. I think every cloud has a silver lining, and that bad things happen so that you can learn from them. experience does make you stronger. i think forgiving is important, because in the end it means you're letting a grudge inside you go. i think in 2008 i loved de wolf because he let me be a child, and i had a very good and comfortable time. - then i had to grow up. i was wrong when i said we could all still be children, we must grow up. i'm a little less crazy now, a little less fun. i tell a little less. but i still care as much. and i listen more. and when i feel like arguing, i breathe instead. and i still like places like Kiddyland. I love and appreciate my family more than anything now. i figured i'm very good at forgetting things, unless i intentionally remind myself every day. oh and the most important thing i've learned this year is that good is always followed by bad, then good, then bad. its like a universal rule of life or something. this is something i strictly believe in. it's there to keep things in balance.

2010, i have so many things in my head. but they keep overlapping each other that i can't really remember or figure what they are exactly. so, i'll just leave it like that for now.

happy new year everyone!