i wouldn't say nothing happened last night. because a lot did, well at least internally. i realized that there is only one way that it can feel right. subconciously, there is a big part of me that i have reserved for only one person. i say i can accept new and foreign, but only ever up to the extent of platonic friendship.
i remember asking his friend last summer, ''why is he not in a relationship?". and she never really gave me a proper answer; ''hmmm. that's a good question", was the furthest she went. And on the same day, as we were leaning against a railing, which overlooked the harbour of this beautiful city, i waited for the ferries to honk in unison, and dared myself to sputter the same question. oh he heard me anyways, and said "I just don't want to get into anything until i'm certain that i can love this one girl for a very long time. i'm not sure i can do that yet" . frankly, at that time i thought he was bullshitting. cos come on, how many of our age thinks like that? but now i realize, that it is possible. that you cannot lie to your heart.
and so, the making of this realization at 3am last night was slightly bitter, and perhaps, limiting. but at the same time, i am very glad that this is the conclusion. all there is to do now is to sit back, enjoy life, and wait for the day that he becomes a part of it again.
[oh and on that day as were looking out at the harbour together, his best friend was secretly watching us from behind. (we were waiting for him at the harbour and he arrived early). Later on that night, this best friend of his for five/six years told me, that he had never seen him treat a girl this way before. i laughed it off, but how my heart wished and wished this was true.]
his mother added me on facebook last night by the way. which is weird, because i thought she didn't like me anymore. anyhow, this means i have to watch what i post on facebook more carefully from now on. cos you know, reputation under these kinda circumstances, are pretty important. :P
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