sometimes i wish i could spend a day being you.
no, not to live through your popularity, nor your intelligence or beauty.
but rather, to understand why you are the way you are.
sometimes, the way you behave, the way you treat others,
the way you try so hard to carry yourself out, to be outspoken, to laugh loudly, to act like you care,
only to completely remove everything from your way with a simple hand swipe, when something bad comes along and affects your mood. leaving everyone else who a few minutes ago thought they were truly your friend, baffled. and they'll keep away, until the next time you decide that you're in a good enough mood to accommodate them again.
but then the cycle repeats, and how many cycles can one tolerate? well for me, i've had more than enough.
there is a difference between compassion and attachment. i wonder if you realize that. i wonder if you know there is a difference between truly caring about someone, and only caring about them because you care about you. attachment means that when the situation changes, when that someone you cared about said/did something that upset you, you'll immediately change your emotions towards them, and treat them back with equal badness. make them feel bad too. but an eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.
compassion is much bigger than that. i can't even confine it into words. and i know im no where close to having true compassion, but i'm training myself to work towards it. why? mostly cos when i look at people like you, i feel sad, i feel like something needs to be changed. and i know that i cannot let myself take on the same path as you.
have you ever wondered, the people whom spend so much time giggling and gossipping with you, who put on a bright smile and congratulate you on your successes, are actually the same people who speak behind your back, because despite your ambition to reach perfection, you still possess one tiny flaw. maybe in the materialistic kind of society where everyone just fights for their own survival, and to keep going up up up, you would fit in just fine. in fact, you will excel above others.
but in my idea of a better world, you are majorly flawed.
and im angry and disappointed at myself for not being able to accept you as you are.
when the day comes that i can, maybe i can call myself compassionate.
no, not to live through your popularity, nor your intelligence or beauty.
but rather, to understand why you are the way you are.
sometimes, the way you behave, the way you treat others,
the way you try so hard to carry yourself out, to be outspoken, to laugh loudly, to act like you care,
only to completely remove everything from your way with a simple hand swipe, when something bad comes along and affects your mood. leaving everyone else who a few minutes ago thought they were truly your friend, baffled. and they'll keep away, until the next time you decide that you're in a good enough mood to accommodate them again.
but then the cycle repeats, and how many cycles can one tolerate? well for me, i've had more than enough.
there is a difference between compassion and attachment. i wonder if you realize that. i wonder if you know there is a difference between truly caring about someone, and only caring about them because you care about you. attachment means that when the situation changes, when that someone you cared about said/did something that upset you, you'll immediately change your emotions towards them, and treat them back with equal badness. make them feel bad too. but an eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.
compassion is much bigger than that. i can't even confine it into words. and i know im no where close to having true compassion, but i'm training myself to work towards it. why? mostly cos when i look at people like you, i feel sad, i feel like something needs to be changed. and i know that i cannot let myself take on the same path as you.
have you ever wondered, the people whom spend so much time giggling and gossipping with you, who put on a bright smile and congratulate you on your successes, are actually the same people who speak behind your back, because despite your ambition to reach perfection, you still possess one tiny flaw. maybe in the materialistic kind of society where everyone just fights for their own survival, and to keep going up up up, you would fit in just fine. in fact, you will excel above others.
but in my idea of a better world, you are majorly flawed.
and im angry and disappointed at myself for not being able to accept you as you are.
when the day comes that i can, maybe i can call myself compassionate.
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