chaos inside.
but dont forget the beaty when you let the morning sun bleed into dawn.
one,two,three, smile! fatigue sets in, still smile!
why is it that im so tensed and you're so relaxed? why i run around, reading this, writing that, talking to many many people. whatever for? most of the time i forget why i'm doing this. i forget my countless daydreams, the sunny field that i see myself lie on. under a tree, with a pile of books. with friends, different personalities, and that girl with the laughter that's music to my ears. and that guy with the glasses, with wisdom shining straight off his eyes, and with me listening, laughing. and smiling from the inside, because all this is so different. there is so much to learn from these people. their backgrounds, their stories, their love.
and in the weekends, there's rowing. and grocery shopping. and nights spent in libraries. And there is the cycling, there is the autumn leaves, the chill-to-the-bone winters. there is the long summer in which family comes first. and amongst all this, there is the wonder of where He is.
the expectations, the motivation, the clear goals. the rewards. the pride. the blush.
the failure, the depression, the loneliness. the asking: did i make the right choice?
It may not turn out the way i constantly dream it to be. But its a good dream, one which i build on daily. thats what motivates me.

i tired.
i uber busy.

but i very very happy.

this is what im supposed to be doing all along. i feel so useful. i have a purpose.


"thing is...i've been asking him so many questions the past few days. i'm afriad of asking anymore"

"no. ask him! its his job to answer your questions. Ask all that you need. you're supposed to."

thank you sooo much for the reassurence ms. kuijper :)