the way she remembers it, part III

They were walking down the road that they've been on so many times before.
She chose to walk behind him again, trailing his footsteps; once again memorizing the curve of his back, the wideness of his shoulder, the peculiar way he positions his hands when he walks.

He reaches for her hand without turning around,
"Baby, come on. Why are you walking behind me again? Come walk beside me."
She smiles sweetly and takes his hand. Hands half a size bigger, and warmer, than her own.

She does not tell him that she likes walking behind people because it is where she can see everyone, but nobody can see her. She does not tell him that when you can see everything that's happening, you'll feel like you're in control. She does not let him know that she enjoys being at the back because everytime He reaches out his hand behind himself for her, a smile as bright as the sun breaks on her face.
She didn't think she needed to tell him. She thought he knew.

They were heading to the shop around the corner to buy phone credit for Her. They were already halfway there when he insisted that they will be late for class if they did not head back now. She argued saying that they were already almost there, and if they hurried, she was sure they won't be late. He disagreed, and said "how about you go ahead and get the credit, and i'll head back to school first?". She puckered up her lips and muttered, ''okay...whatever''.
She turned around, ready to walk away. She was certain that he was just kidding, he wouldn't just leave her like that. She knew that when she turned around, he would still be standing there, with a cheesy smile on his face.

So she turned,
to see him walking up the hill.

In that instance, that familiar curve of his back, wideness of his shoulders, position of his hands, suddenly became so foreign to her. She felt a coldness growing from her core; a hopelessness and loneliness that she had never felt in her life. Every step he took sucked away from her a little bit more of herself.

She never needed anyone to be herself.
But now without warning, such a person existed: A person she needed.
She was hit with the harsh realization that this is the pain she will feel, only a million times multiplied, when he leaves her forever one day.
She knew that on that day, it will be Him who walks away.
carrying with him the happy soul he had once created in her.