keep it just like that

you know one of those days when everything just feels so right?
where you are finally use your eyes the right way - to look straight ahead. Eyes dont grow at the back of your head because you're meant to be looking into the future ahead of you, and not the past which is behind you.


Today is one of those days when i find solitude utterly, utterly, utterly, comfortable. Where i can sit back, watch the world go by, observe the little things, those small facial expressions that most miss. Smile, when i discover something new, such as how i really admire how clear and precisely Wei Ling speaks in her presentations; i never realized before how much i like her accent.
The 2-seconds look on Mitchell's face when he dropped all his papers during his speech; how his nose wrinkles up when he breaks into one of his cheeky smiles.
Iyune's trademarked shy tilt of her head, and that adorably bashful smile she gives me when she catches me looking at her.
How Cheryl would turn to the person sitting next to her in class whenever the teacher says something funny or spectacular - like she wants to make sure that that someone next to her has heard the joke too.
And how Carol has this smile - words can't really describe - it's like her chin widens (in an attractive way of course). it's simply a unique smile that i have never seen on anyone else's face. Oh and while we're all here, i really like the sound of her laughter too - it's childish yet mature at the same time - a mix that just seems so right.

But, there's always a But. And my But is that i have to shamefully admit, that there are certain things and people that i'm getting tired of. Not in the sense that they are getting boring, but in a way that i find that it's becoming exhausting for me to keep up with them. I find it somewhat nerve-wrecking to talk to them; in that everything i say seems to provoke a rebuttal. Everything i do seems to formulate a judgement. And that's not to say that i dont judge them too, i do. And judging them has made me realize that i am slightly dismayed by their behaviour. The type of behaviour that simply makes me think...our concepts, our worlds, are just too different. I've tried, but I can't see their viewpoint. I've tried stepping into their skin, only to find myself jumping out immediately, & scrubbing my body over and over again from the contamination. Hence, I keep my distance. I play safe. I'll retreat to a comfort zone, to a place, as carol puts it, where my ''bubble'' will stop getting pierced and disturbed repetitively. Meaning I don't hurt you, you don't hurt me. Hello, Goodbye.

Carol, remember how i told you recently that i'm just a bit lost, and am trying my best to ''find myself'' again? I realized that ain't possible. Midori was right, we can ''never be the same again''.
Cheryl, some time ago you told me something along the lines of, "there comes a time when you can really let go. And that is the biggest release''. Not to raise false hopes or anything, but i can see my internal clock ticking, and every second are bringing the hands closer and closer to the hour labelled "Another Phase". I might still be in the same place, with the same people. But i think i'm changing eventhough my environment remains the same.
I can't be the girl that i was before, i've forgotten her. But i'm comfortable with what i've changed into.
We all need a change sometimes.

Today, i borrowed some piano books from Edo.
Today, i have an awesome camera which Mr.Bao generously lent me.

Today,
i feel good.