proactive

:creating or controlling a situation rather than just responding to it.

I've been really proactive recently. It's one of the many chracterisitics that an IB student should posess.
I've joined badminton, hashing, netball, UES, project blossom, relay for life fund raising. & i've volunteerd to do things that i would never have bothered about before. I've replied to emails that i've forgottenabout since some time ago. I read people's blogs; i find out about their lives. I think about their thoughts. I go places others around me go, i do things others around me do. i get involved. i do everything.

they say keeping yourself busy is a good way to distract yourself from your own thoughts. & being busy would mean that u have less time & chance to find out about things. being busy means that u'll be exhausted by the end of the day, so when your head touches the pillow, precious sleep comes instantly. no more of those days where u stare at the ceiling. toss & turn. thoughts, thoughts & more thoughts.

I like being proactive. it exposes me to many new things. new discoveries.
I feel useful.
I like being proactive. It leaves me with almost no time to think.

but why is it that when i stop to take a break, you're still the first thing to come to my mind? why so merciless. why so stubborn. why so cruel.

i said: "I put everything in a box. but sometimes they escape from the box & haunt me"
he said: "Dont put them in a box. Throw them away."
i said: "But how do u throw away a part of yourself?"
he said: "well try to occupy yourself with other things''.

yea, thats what im doing. im left with no other choice.


"the day when you look back at all this , & laugh? that's the day i'm waiting for. "