Kay. I’m in one of my reflective moods. So here’s a few of the million thoughts that goes through my head every day. Here goes:
Recently I’ve been contemplating about why humans do things that they know very well will hurt themselves? For example, who do people smoke? why do we fall in love again when we've been hurt so badly before and know that we will be hurt again? why do we aim for the top position, when we know that the more the power, the greater the responsibility, the less time you have for yourself, the less of a happy life you live?
WHY do we do these things we do, when the consequences lie there naked. some even waving its arms at us, flashing a blinking red light. Why do we do it, even though its so clear to us that by taking a step backward, we can prevent ourselves from stepping into that dark pit of pain?
maybe it's because we know that the pain, like any other feelings, wont last forever.
And the things that we do along that pathway leading to the destination of pain, the people we meet, the feelings we feel, the memories we create; maybe all those "objects" along the path add up, and maybe its worth the pain.
its a dangerous gamble to take. Will the "objects" mean more, or will the pain be so great that it's unworth the "objects" multiplied by a thousand, a million times?
so maybe this is life... a gamble. No..life is more like a casino. You can choose to enter the casino, and sit in a little corner & watch everyone giving their money away, & you can grin your little grin & feel proud that you didnt lose anything. But then what's the fun? Whats the point in entering the casino when you're just gonna sit in your little sadistic corner and watch everyone else around you screw up? Why not take the gamble, join the fun, screw up with them? Because in the end you know that it was all worth it. You lost all your money, but so what? you had the laughs, you had the excitement, the desperation, the anger, the friendships, the desires. you took the risk, you took the gamble, and now, look at you, you have it all :)
Now that was waaay better than just sitting in your little corner right? You might have lost all your money, but you walk out of the casino with you head high, feeling, like a winner.
Another thought, why do we replay memories in our heads that hurt us? Such as in my case, memories of my time with Ivan. And today I suddenly realised that it's because the memories that have the capability to hurt us, are the memories which are the most important to us.
True, it saddens me when I think about them, but then maybe that's only because I want to have more of them, but I can't. Those were GOOD memories, HAPPY memories. Things that will be in my head forever, and for me to take out and unfold during my darkest moments. I'm not saddened by the memory itself, but rather by the fact that they cant be relived. i cant have more of it. So upon this realization, i should really try treat this differently now. I shall try to convince myself to be satisfied with the memories I already have - not ask for more. Not be sad that's its over, but be glad that it has happened. :)
These memories are in MY head, and HIS head. We might not belong to each other now, but between us, we share something so special. Something no one else will ever be able to experience or see. Memories.
Recently I’ve been contemplating about why humans do things that they know very well will hurt themselves? For example, who do people smoke? why do we fall in love again when we've been hurt so badly before and know that we will be hurt again? why do we aim for the top position, when we know that the more the power, the greater the responsibility, the less time you have for yourself, the less of a happy life you live?
WHY do we do these things we do, when the consequences lie there naked. some even waving its arms at us, flashing a blinking red light. Why do we do it, even though its so clear to us that by taking a step backward, we can prevent ourselves from stepping into that dark pit of pain?
maybe it's because we know that the pain, like any other feelings, wont last forever.
And the things that we do along that pathway leading to the destination of pain, the people we meet, the feelings we feel, the memories we create; maybe all those "objects" along the path add up, and maybe its worth the pain.
its a dangerous gamble to take. Will the "objects" mean more, or will the pain be so great that it's unworth the "objects" multiplied by a thousand, a million times?
so maybe this is life... a gamble. No..life is more like a casino. You can choose to enter the casino, and sit in a little corner & watch everyone giving their money away, & you can grin your little grin & feel proud that you didnt lose anything. But then what's the fun? Whats the point in entering the casino when you're just gonna sit in your little sadistic corner and watch everyone else around you screw up? Why not take the gamble, join the fun, screw up with them? Because in the end you know that it was all worth it. You lost all your money, but so what? you had the laughs, you had the excitement, the desperation, the anger, the friendships, the desires. you took the risk, you took the gamble, and now, look at you, you have it all :)
Now that was waaay better than just sitting in your little corner right? You might have lost all your money, but you walk out of the casino with you head high, feeling, like a winner.
Another thought, why do we replay memories in our heads that hurt us? Such as in my case, memories of my time with Ivan. And today I suddenly realised that it's because the memories that have the capability to hurt us, are the memories which are the most important to us.
True, it saddens me when I think about them, but then maybe that's only because I want to have more of them, but I can't. Those were GOOD memories, HAPPY memories. Things that will be in my head forever, and for me to take out and unfold during my darkest moments. I'm not saddened by the memory itself, but rather by the fact that they cant be relived. i cant have more of it. So upon this realization, i should really try treat this differently now. I shall try to convince myself to be satisfied with the memories I already have - not ask for more. Not be sad that's its over, but be glad that it has happened. :)
These memories are in MY head, and HIS head. We might not belong to each other now, but between us, we share something so special. Something no one else will ever be able to experience or see. Memories.
The best thing about getting to know Ivan was that he taught me three very special lessons about life. From him, I've learned to love everyone around me. To appreciate them no matter how important or unimportant they are to me. Because every single one of them matters. Every one should be treated with an equal kindness, everyone deserves a smile, everyone deserves my attention, my interest, my care. Everyone deserves love. When you really put an effort into getting to know people around you, when you get yourself involved in things, you will be surprised when a whole new world unfolds before you. A world that was there all along, but you chose to not see. Ivan taught me to see. That's what he taught me :) Thats how Ivan contributed to me as becoming a stronger, better person.
Second thing he taught me, was to appreciate. When things are gone, it might never happen again. Always look back with a smile, be proud for having appreciated the moment, rather than just have had it passed without realization and meaning. We can never turn back time; its the most precious thing we have. "You dont know what you have until it's gone" is wrong. Truth is, you know exactly what you have when you have it, you just dont know how much you need it until you can't have it anymore.
Now in this period of my life, i'm beginning to look around me and indulge in everything that I have, and NEED. I see them. I'm taking in the moments, every smile, every feeling felt. In a way, i have to admit that i LOVE IB. yes, even the work load. Because I know however stressful it may seem right now, there will be a time later on in my life where i will miss it. I love my friends around me. I love their faces. I love the jokes we share. I love the feeling of loving them. Yes, there is more I could ask for, but with what I have now, I can unhestitantly say that, I am a very lucky girl, and I am happy.
The final lesson that he taught me, was about love. He's taught me that yes, love can be about wanting the other person to want you back too. But sometimes you come across someone so special, so significant to your life, that you are ready to give everything, and take from him nothing. You are ready to just hide behind the scenes and look after him from there. Smile when he smiles. And just love him, because you do.
:)
Many things have happened in my life. Good things and bad things. But when i think of the good things, and compare them with the bad ones, i realize that hey...maybe the bad things aren't so bad after all. We've made mistakes - cos afterall, we're only human. But through these mistakes, through all the hard times, the misery, we've come to notice the people around us, really SEE them. The bad things may be bad, but they've made me see which people I dont really need in my life (but I still care about), and which are the ones I should treasure with all my heart:)
life, is a beautiful thing.
and beautiful things, are never perfect.
say how you feel,
always be you,
& be okay with it.
Many things have happened in my life. Good things and bad things. But when i think of the good things, and compare them with the bad ones, i realize that hey...maybe the bad things aren't so bad after all. We've made mistakes - cos afterall, we're only human. But through these mistakes, through all the hard times, the misery, we've come to notice the people around us, really SEE them. The bad things may be bad, but they've made me see which people I dont really need in my life (but I still care about), and which are the ones I should treasure with all my heart:)
life, is a beautiful thing.
and beautiful things, are never perfect.
say how you feel,
always be you,
& be okay with it.
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